Cohabitation VS Marriage

Cohabitation has become rampant in our society and is defined by dictionary.com in three different ways. 1) to live together as husband and wife, without legal or religious sanction. 2) to live together in an intimate relationship. 3) to dwell with another or share the same place, as different species of animals.

Marriage on the other hand, is sometimes seen as an unnecessary or outdated practice and is defined by dictionary.com in three different ways as well. 1) The social institution under which a man and a woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc. 2) the legal or religious ceremony that formalizes the decision of two people to live as a married couple, including the accompanying social festivities. 3) a relationship in which two people have pledged themselves to each other in the manner of a husband and wife.

The book, "Marriage and Family: the Quest For Intimacy" 7th Ed. by Robert Lauer and Jeanette C. Lauer specifically discusses cohabitation in comparison to marriage (pg. 149). Some of their main points include:

• Married couples report more sex and more satisfying sex
• Married couples have a better-quality relationship than do cohabitating couples, particularly than do those cohabitating couples who do not plan on marrying
• A woman in nine times more likely to be killed by her cohabitating partner than a husband
• Married couples report greater happiness, less depression, higher levels of commitment to the relationship and better relationships with parents

From class discussions, course readings and my personal observation, the institution of marriage is crumbling. This can have a dramatic (negative) impact on society as a whole. Marriages create stability. Stability in individual's lives, in relationships, in communities and in society. While cohabitation does appear to make sense, it also appears that in the long run, it is less effective, less stable and less safe than marriage is. It is my view that marriage is divinely instituted and serves a necessary function. When people decide to get married, they are pledging and committing to themselves, to their spouse, to their family and friends and usually to God that they will stay faithful and committed to their marriage. It is this commitment that creates a stronger structure for the family unit. This is why marriage is SO important!

Gender Differences and Gender Roles

First off, it comes as no shock to any one that there are differences between men and women, beyond the physical ones. Women are seen as better with multi tasking, being more emotional and more verbal while men are seen as being tough, great problem solvers and more straightforward. Yes, differences do exist, but they are not the same for every man or every woman. The things I just listed are stereotypes that have been constructed by the society in which we live. I could go on and on explaining the impact of these socially constructed gender roles, but I won't. I don't want to get into it because in all reality, when discussing the family, I think it is more important to look at gender similarities. Even though men and women are different, they are similar in many ways and the tings they differ in, complement each other very well. Because men and women are able to compliment each others strengths and weaknesses, it is completely possible for men and women to get along compatibly and cohesively.
Along those same lines comes the idea of gender roles, or roles that a particular gender fulfills based on what is functional for society, the family, or an individual. In class we shared how tasks were divided in our families based upon gender. What I discovered was that roles in my family were fairly androgynous - or either gender. Because this is what I grew up with, and I have no other personal perspective to base my opinion, I feel like this works well. In my family, roles are fulfilled out of need (Both parents worked when I was younger out of necessity) or simply out of personality choices (my dad helps with the cooking because he likes to cook). I feel that in the long run, if roles are being filled in a functional (or helpful) way, then it really doesn't matter who does the laundry and who mows the lawn.

Class status - its all relative

Social classes are economic or cultural arrangements of groups in society. They are all around us. We know who grew up wealthy and we also know where we measure up. As I've studied and thought about social class, I've realized that we often like to think of ourselves as a little bit better off than we are - which makes sense, however, I decided to try my best to objectively look at the family I grew up in to truly look at which class we belong. When I was younger, we were probably upper/lower class. Both my parents were in graduate school and working at least one job each. My parents struggled quite a bit financially, but in all honesty, I had no idea. We always had a place to live, food to eat and toys to play with. When I was in the six grade, my dad got a job with a decent salary, so we had to move to a very tiny town. While our income did increase substantially, our socioeconomic status stayed about the same, because we increased our family size from four to nine.

Having explained all of that, I think it is extremely important to note that I have never felt like I was in the lower class. My parents did a wonderful job of really stretching their money and doing everything they could to make sure all of our needs were met. Therefore, I believe that socioeconomic status and social class are all about attitude. If you have a positive attitude about your own place in society, your life will be much less stressful and a lot happier. Similarly, it is so important not to look down on others because of their status - or to become judgmental or envious of those in higher classes. We all have trials and difficulties no matter how much money we have or what size house we live in. The important thing is that we all live our lives in a productive fashion and don't blame our problems on our backgrounds or our social status.

http://crystalburnham.wordpress.com/2011/01/10/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world/caption

Family Relationships and Dynamics

My family, starting from the back left: Ashley (me), Katarina, Rebekah (in the blue), Mom, Dad, Robert (in the yellow), Alice (orange shirt), Marchita, and James (green)

Every family is different, and mine is no exception. I have six wonderful siblings and two loving parents. Pretty typical for an LDS family right? Let's look a little more closely. I am the oldest and while my dad is my biological dad, my mom adopted me. My younger sister, Katarina, who is biologically my mom's daughter, was adopted by my dad. After the four of us became a family and were sealed in the temple, my parents trued to have more children, but that just wasn't the Lord's plan for us at that time. About eight years later (I was 13ish) my parents decided to do foster care and four of my siblings were brought into our family forever. We first adopted Rebekah. Then James. And then Robert and Alice (Rebekah's biological half siblings). As a family, we have been to the temple four times to be sealed together as a forever family. After Robert and Alice were adopted, my parents felt that our family was complete. And then, low and behold - my mom was finally pregnant! That brought us the youngest Marchita (Marci).

Partially because we all came to be into our family in different ways and partially because we are all different people, we all have different and special relationships with each other. For example, I get along with my mom, my brother James and my sisters Alice and Marci really well. While my brother Robert gets along with Katarina, my dad and Rebekah the best. While it is confusing, these relationships really are quite functional for our family. While I get along with specific people better than others, I still love the others and like to be with all of them. Families are tricky, but by by understanding that each has its own distinct dynamic and rhythm, you can better understand the nature of family (especially big ones). 

Impacting the "critical" issues

In class on Wednesday, we discussed things that we viewed as critical issues pertaining to the family. Some of these included divorce, pre-marital sex/cohabitation, single parent families and teenage pregnancy. While all of these issues do impact the family, I think it is important to note that because they impact the family, they also impact society. Its just amazing to me how much society mirrors and consequently, effects the family unity. Most of the issues I mentioned above have not only become systemic social problems, but they have also become normalized and socially accepted. It is my firm belief that the family is ordained of God and is a sacred union between a man and a women. Because society has lost this belief, the family is in serious jeopardy.

This leads me to the question that Brother Williams asked us right before class ended - "What are you willing to do to impact and change the things you think are critical?" Honestly, I've been contemplating this question for a while. Last semester I took child and family advocacy in which we learned how we as individuals can effectively advocate and stand up for the family and what we believe to be important. I have come to the conclusion that the biggest and most important thing we can do is to become accurately educated, both in scientific and secular perspectives and the gospel perspective. By understanding issues completely, with accurate information, we can better be examples and teachers for what we know and feel is right and important. Once we have become adequately educated, it is so important to take a stand on an issue and work to educate others. The key, however, is to be respectful and take other people's views into account. I know from experience that by respectfully and knowledgeably advocating for important issues, one person can make an amazing difference in the lives of many and in society as a whole.

Family Matters Most

What Matters Most